To all the women living in Palaces,
It’s Purim night and I need to go to sleep, but I just can’t. I can’t go to sleep, cuddle up in my world, while I know that other women are crying themselves to sleep tonight.
I know Purim is a day of happiness. I know that we’re all trying to be happy, trying so so hard. But I also know that for many women, it’s an overwhelming battle. I think of all my friends who are single mothers, mothers that need to carry an immesurable weight of a whole family on their own small shoulders. It feels unbearable at times. I think of the torture it is for the childless couples to walk through the streets, teeming with adorable costumed children, and wondering why they’re the only ones walking alone.
I think of the mothers who sit at their Purim seuda and pretend to ignore the stabbing pain of the child who is not joining their meal. I feel along with the adult children who are in the process of healing and cannot join their parents. I feel for the children who have left their home, for the children who won’t leave their home. For the children who are drunk not only on Purim. For the women sending out picture perfect Mishloach Manos with adorable children dressed up matching and feels like it’s all one large farce for her life is in shatters. The parents whose children bring home friends who look like their dressed up for Purim all year. I feel for the women whose husband who is sitting at the table is nothing like the man she wants to be leading her meal, and for the husbands who don’t even show up at all.
The children who spend Purim morning with their mother and Purim afternoon with their father. The children who don’t have a father at all, or who do have a father but wish they didn’t. The older single who lives in her own apartmen and peeks through the sutters of her house, desperate to see the festivities in the streets outside and yet terrified that seeing it will make her pretence melt and she won’t be able to hold back the tears.
I think of all of you heroic women and I have to write.
I have to tell you that you are the Esther of this generation. How incredible we must be to have so many holy women in one generation! There are so, so many women suffering!
I have to tell you that Esther had the same crushing pain as you! She knew that if she goes to Achashveirosh she gives up her whole entire future. She will never have a husband, she will never have children following in the holy Torah path. And she was told – Do It! How do you know what you were put into this palace for? You assumed that you’re meant to raise Torah-true children, to be married to a talmid chacham, to build a bayis ne’man – you’re wrong. You’re meant to be imprisioned in a palace of gold, you’re meant to be married to an evil man, you’re meant to raise children who might not live a Jewish life – and you know what? You will be Esther Hamalka! A holy, beautiful, and incredible Jewish Woman. You are serving Hashem in the palace that He put you in.
ותלבש אסתר מלכות – And Esther received Ruach Hakodesh!
Not only holiness, but Divine Prophecy. Yes, Esther Hamalka, without the husband, without the children, without the past and without a visible future – she merited to have a sefer in tanach named after her and will be remembered for eternity.
So, my dear friend friend, I am writing you this letter to wish you a freilichen Purim. To tell you that I know of your incredible pain and that I feel for you. And that the seeming helplessness of your situation is a facade – you might be writing a holy megila of your tremendous acheivments. It’s all about הסתר פנים!
It is women like you who are bringing the geulah closer each day.
I wish you with all my heart that you merit to truly feel
!ליהודים היתה אורה, ושמחה, וששון ויקר
A friend who cares